The joy in being alone

I just finished watching Episode 10 of Gail Vaz-Oxlade’s “Princess.” Ever watch this show? I love it. It has a different flair from Till Debt Do Us Part. Gail helps the spoiled Princesses get more attuned to what they want in life and she helps them develop plans that centre around more significant life goals besides just looking good.  It’s interesting to watch as the girls (most of them, anyway) experience for the first time what it feels like to be financially responsible and responsible in other ways too. They gain more control over their lives and improve their relationships.  They begin to determine what’s important to them and develop plans to achieve short and long term goals.

In Episode 10, I was struck by an exercise that Gail gave Princess Cortney. Cortney was not a regular princess; most of her spending was not on tanning, fake eyelashes, botox injections and special needs dogs like most of the others. Cortney did love the expensive nightlife and boutique shopping, but her real indulgence was sports and travel.  She kayaked, played basketball, did yoga, played beach volleyball, went rock climbing, when to the gym, played on a frisbee team and paid a lot of money to be apart of all of these activities. She always packed every day of the week with activities and almost never took a night off.

So one of Gail’s challenges was to cancel plans for one week and spend her free time at home. Partly this challenge was about saving money but it was even more about giving Cortney a chance to reflect and breathe and become more attuned to herself, so she could realize that it’s good for the soul (and the budget) to stay home and relax. When Gail brought up this challenge though, Cortney immediately became angry and questioned the relevancy of this challenge.

I don’t think Cortney is unique in this regard… there are a lot of people out there who are terrified of being alone. Being alone is difficult, but Gail’s right, it’s important to be alone in order to self-reflect and also to feel safe in one’s own skin.  Being alone can be scary because sometimes emotions come up that we’d rather ignore. Being alone without distractions is even harder – it’s tough to resist the noise from the TV or a steady stream of information and contact from the internet.  But sometimes reading a book, going for a walk, or doing a single activity at once – playing with your cat or dog, cooking a meal – can provide the kind of rest we’re really craving.

I love packing my schedule with new and interesting activities – rock climbing, yoga, concerts, workshops, dinners with friends, shopping.  And I love my job because it is very social. But time alone is also very important to me. It helps me feel calm and centred.  When I don’t have enough time to contemplate my life, to rest and to just take my time, I start to feel overwhelmed and exhausted.

Being alone also helps me to determine who I am, what I want, and assimilate what I’ve accomplished or what I want to do differently.  I develop thoughts and ideas. I enjoy listening to scientific talks online, reading blogs and books, meal planning, and gazing at magazine pictures for creative inspiration in different forms.  Being alone gives my brain a chance to work out ideas and problems, and I like that. I think it helps me to develop new and different parts of me, in a creative, intellectual, and spiritual sense. Just as different social experiences add to who you are, so can being alone.

Beauty close to home

I’m not sure why it’s taken me so long to start exploring the different trails in my city, but it has. After discovering the arboretum and booking a staff retreat hike at Starkey’s Hill, I ventured out for a Sunday trek on the Radius Trail. This path has a few different side trails which take you along the river and along some escarpment, but mostly this long path takes you through pine woods, which is refreshing change. I haven’t smelled pine needles in a long time. It smelled good, like winter.

Sometimes it’s hard to break out of routine. I’m a person who clings a lot to routine and I get a little unnerved when my routines are disrupted. This conflicts with my love for travel, adventure and spontaneity. You can see how these personality traits sometimes compete.  For the past year and a half or so I’ve been making more of an effort to break out of what I know and just explore, because experimenting is part of living a full life and it’s definitely necessary when you’re trying to meet new people and feel like you’re a part of a community. A recurring theme of this blog is to look a little deeper and go off the beaten path, because you’ll probably be surprised at how much goodness you find in your own backyard.

Here’s what I found in my back yard (or almost backyard – a 4 minute drive from my house.)

What exploring have you done lately?

Another “double rainbow”

Today I rushed out to my balcony to check out another beautiful, complete, double rainbow. I had to hold myself back from gushing, lest I get confused with double rainbow man.

It was so pretty, I had to share.  As I was watching, I noticed people walking to their cars or walking outside, their eyes focused on the pavement, completely missing the incredible things the sky was doing at that moment.  Truly, beauty is all around us, but it’s so easy to miss. It was just a reminder to awaken to what’s already here – to pay attention to the sky, the air, everything that surrounds us. We over-complicate our perfect world.  I don’t want to walk through this world asleep. I want to be awake, alert, and open to the miracles that every day life offers.

My top 10 “fun goals” for the year ahead

Last year at the start of September I wrote a post called, A New Season. Having just re-read it now, I remember once again how much has changed in the last year. Things are much easier now. That time of the year was so difficult for me, but I tried really hard to stay focused on what was good in my life and take advantage of everything around me that could bring me joy or nourishment.  I think that being creative helped me a lot – I was continually finding creative solutions to meet my needs on a ridiculously strict budget, but I was also applying creative thinking to my life, to identify different career paths and create different kinds of opportunities for myself.

I’ve worked hard this year and it has recently occurred to me that I have achieved pretty much everything I was working towards – I have a wonderful job, a cute and comfortable but affordable apartment, financial stability, and I feel that I have further integrated into my community. Rather than reaching towards the next big goal, I want to simply enjoy where I am at the moment, appreciate what I have worked for, and have fun. To me, having fun means to meet new people, try different things, laugh more often and simply enjoy life; I want to enjoy being single, healthy, and secure and take advantage of the opportunities that this affords me.  So I drafted some “fun goals” for the year. Many of them have to do with physical fitness as I am slightly fearful of winter and want to avoid the winter blahs by being active and taking advantage of fun winter sports, rather than hiding indoors.

So, here are my new goals for the year.  Because I believe goals need to be flexible (since circumstances and moods change,) any of these goals can be replaced by a similar goal if necessary.

1. Visit Hawaii
2. Go dog sledding
3. Go rockclimbing outdoors (currently I only climb indoors and my participation in this sport has been sporadic; come winter I want to climb more frequently and purchase the proper equipment so that next spring/summer I am confident and capable to do outdoor climbing.)
4. Investigate at least 5 bands that are new to me and see them perform live
5. Go snow-shoeing
6. Create a scavenger hunt with friends
7. Build a miniature wunderkammer (ideally I would love to build a cabinet of scientific curiosities but my budget isn’t built for it at the moment, so I might consider building a collection of curiosities documenting my travels and experiences.)
8. Go cross-country skiing
9. Explore a city that I’ve never been to before
10. Submit at least one proposal/article to a yoga magazine

On Friday a friend of mine joined me in spending the night gaming with people who were basically complete strangers. I’m not sure how to quantify that kind of random opportunity-taking, the kind of spirit that says, “why not?” and is whimsical enough to play games with people you don’t know, but I want to do even more of that kind of thing as well.

I’ve spent my life setting goals. Most of them have never materialized (if so I would already be married, have a phD, and be writing social policy in Ottawa or or New York City for the United Nations right now.) I’ve had ridiculously high standards for myself in the past and sometimes I’m skeptical of goal setting because it can overpower mindfulness, awareness and gratitude. But at the same time, I see how setting fun goals for me right now might be a great way to focus my attention on having more fun, and bringing adventure into my life again.

Do you have goals for the year ahead and do they involve having fun?

Saver Queen is two years old!

It’s my two year blogiversary!

Thank you to the kind readers who have supported me in my journey with your kind comments and your creative participation in these discussions on frugality, simplicity and sustainability.  I’ve appreciated so much the thoughtful words that you all have shared with me throughout the last two years.

My writing has taken me in a different place than originally anticipated. When I first started writing the blog, I thought I would be giving money saving tips to people struggling to live on a low income or trying to get out of debt. The blog morphed into so much more than that. It became a place for me to develop my own personal philosophy on what life is all about and on what makes me happy. It’s become much more personal.  It’s been a bit scary; my approach to life goes against the grain, or at least is in sharp contrast to the consumer-driven messages that proliferate in so many areas of our society, and I’ve at times been weary of what outsiders might think.  But I’ve slowly admitted to more and more friends and family members that I write this blog. For the first year or more I kept it a secret, not wanting to be stigmatized for my frugal practices.  As my writing has become more of who I am, and as I’ve seen an interest in the blog from people of various backgrounds, I’ve gradually developed more confidence in sharing my words with people beyond the niche frugal online subculture, the nest in which most of my readers reside.

I’ve ventured more and more into the practice of mindfulness, and I appreciate that I have so many readers who also share my passion for living mindfully in the present.  Many financial blogs out there tend to focus on more utilitarian or practical subjects, but mine has meandered into more abstract territory.  I’ve written a lot about mindfulness. In fact, I’ve added a new category called Mindfulness, to make these posts easier to find.

I get the feeling that my consistent readers share in the belief that at the root of the discussion around frugality is a conversation about what is important in life, and how to cultivate and nurture those things that are so important to us.  My readers seem to reiterate time and time again, that it is their families, their animals, the natural world around them, and simple habits or pleasures, that make life a joy to live.

There have been many conversations about the benefits of living simply. I’ve always maintained that a simple life can be a joyous one.  I’ve never said that money is sinful, or that rich people are unhappy or evil, or that money is irrelevant, because I don’t believe any of that.  I believe that money can provide choices and opportunities and freedoms.  I want to have money in my life, like all of us do.  What I have attempted to show in this blog instead, is that no matter where we are in life – whether we are rich, poor, alone or in good company, sick, healthy, content or restless, there is always, always, goodness to be found.  This journey in the last two years has been about seeking that goodness out, despite hardship and heart-break.  To ask, what good is in my world today? What beauty can be discovered?  Is there mystery, joy, excitement, pleasure to be found in this very day, this very moment?  The answer is always yes.

We spend a lot of time wanting, hoping, wishing, planning, setting goals.  A lot of those wants and wishes and goals have to do with money. In the blog, I try not to dismiss goal setting or planning or even wanting, but rather I attempt to place the attention back on today, back on the opportunity that presents itself for a rich, full life, with whatever we have today, whatever life has thrown at us, whatever money is in our pockets.

I also believe, like my readers, that frugality and environmental sustainability go hand in hand. I believe that conscious attention, placed on one’s habits and routines, can initiate more gentle, less harmful, ways of living.  Frugality is a perspective that values the earth by discouraging waste and honouring all resources as though they are precious.

How does one create a sustainable, joyous, frugal life? I believe that community-building is part of the process. I believe being creative is part of that process. I believe that being resourceful, re-purposing, DIY, bartering, and engaging with community organizations is all part of that process. Equally, gratitude is part of that process. And so is love.

Thank you, my readers! I look forward to continuing this journey with you.

Making way for community engagement in an ownership society

I hate the phrase, “we live in a society,” but truly, most of us reading this blog live in a society that encourages ownership and discourages community engagement. We are told that ownership is a sign of success, and typically we compete with each other to see who is the most successful – who has the most stuff.  But those of us who can’t afford to own everything we want are actually blessed with a tremendous opportunity to become more engaged in our own communities.

My approach to life is to work hard at achievements that are important to me and to realize goals and dreams that are close to my heart.  But at a certain point, growing up means realizing that you can’t have everything that you want – at least not, as Gail Vaz-Oxlade says, at the same time.  And at that point, life becomes about learning how to be happy with exactly what you have.

A vibrant community offers opportunities to find happiness without owning everything you want. If you can’t afford a pet, you can volunteer at an animal shelter or offer to walk dogs or take care of the animals that belong to your friends, colleagues and nieghbours. If you can’t afford to buy new books, dvds, cds, the public library has an abundance to share. If you can’t afford to own a swimming pool, the YMCA and community recreation centres offers access to swimming pools for next to nothing. If you can’t afford to own your own car, then car shares are an easy way to gain temporary access to wheels.  If you can’t afford a house but long for a vegetable garden, you can pay as little as $30 a season for access to a huge vegetable plot at a nearby organic farm (Ignatius farm in Guelph offers this).  If, similarly, you wish for a flower garden, the Guelph Arboretum offers a space where you can sit quietly and enjoy flowers, birds and butterflies at no cost.  Parks, of course, also offer many BBQ areas and places for napping under trees or in the sun – easy and free substitutes for a patio, backyard lawn or cottage.  Most people would assume that you have to sacrifice privacy, but in my experience, these spaces are underused.

There are so many opportunities, when living in a community, to find what you need, no matter how much money you’ve got. The added bonus, though, is that when you become involved in the sharing of land and objects, you begin to feel a part of a community. You build relationships with other people. At Ignatius farm, for instance, they offer support to their gardeners and have pot-lucks and social events. The library has many free events happening, including movie showings, book clubs and craft workshops. You meet other people in your community and you support those who are working hard to bring people together.

Sharing, borrowing and renting are underrated. There is an unwritten assumption that your stuff has value, that what you own can be considered an investment. The truth is that most things we own are environmental and economic liabilities, not assets, and they add less to our lives than we  have imagined.

But regardless if we have money or we don’t, at a certain point we need to find ways of making ourselves happy in the moment. And if you don’t have everything you want, there are always ways to compromise, and to find satisfaction in the art of community engagement.

Update: If you want to read more on this subject, check out “A Transumer Manifesto” on Shareable, an interesting post discussing some similar concepts. I just discovered this thanks to World Changing Canada .

The mini-staycation

For the civic holiday, I was lucky enough to have my sister come to Guelph for an extended stay.  Originally we had planned to go to Prince Edward County, but then changed our minds and decided to have kind of a “staycation” instead. Yes, this is in addition to my real vacation-staycation which is commencing this Friday.

This weekend was, I think, what real long weekends should be.  Sometimes, lengthy conversations on a balcony with a bottle of wine, or staying in your pajamas all day can be perfect staycation activities, and we did a little of this. But we also did some exploring.

Noteworthy discoveries included The Arboretum.

I could not believe that this remarkable source of beauty has existed right under my nose – a 5 minute drive away – without me knowing about it. There are luscious gardens of every type and beautiful nature trails. The collection of dwarf trees made me feel like I was in Alice in Wonderland. The Japanese garden would be a perfect place for meditating, and the butterfly garden and natural bird bathing area would be an ideal spot for sitting and simply taking in nature. It was stunning and practically deserted!

Other fun trips included St. Jacobs – the market as well as the antiques warehouse. I was well acquainted with the market but never knew the antiques market was so good.  Hundreds of booths, each with their own style, and the items were always well laid-out and displayed.  My kind of antiquing!

We ate really, really well.  Amongst the delicious dishes we prepared included a feast of local produce and meats – steaks, corn, mushrooms, amazing cheeses. My favourites included my sister’s caramelized onion dip, and a ratatouille made with all sorts of fresh, local vegetables. Oh yes, and plenty of local beers and wines.

One thing we did to enhance the free, relaxed feeling of being on vacation was pool our money into a single “vacation fund” so we could freely spend without worrying about who bought what. As a result, we were able to just draw money out of the vacation fund without worrying or thinking about it , and that made it even more fun. It’s a tip I’d strongly recommend.

Staying at home meant that we didn’t have to spend time driving, and we eat and drink as much as we wanted!

There is so much amazing food, natural beauty and fun discoveries to be made right in our own cities and towns.  What did you get up to this long weekend?

Dealing with Gastronomic Gaffs

Like most people, I can give myself a hard time when I don’t live up to my own high standards.  But I’m not a perfectionist. I aim for excellence instead; excellence, I think, can encompass high standards for professionalism, quality, dedication and sincerity, without finding oneself completely derailed by the idea of perfection. Perfectionism makes us lose focus, abandon deadlines, and fail to accomplish the main point or goal of any given task. Excellence, on the other hand, provides a guide to a high quality or caliber of work, but allows the person to know when to say  ”it’s good enough” and move on.

In the kitchen, I let myself fail. In this blog, I post my kitchen successes.  But there are many other kitchen failures.  A few nights ago I made Aloo Ghobi. It smelled delicious, and I thought it was going to taste really good. But it was bland. I don’t know why, because I’d used more spice than what the recipe called for, and my spices are more powerful than most, because they are fresh and whole ground. Perhaps the cauliflower I used wasn’t flavourful enough because it wasn’t fresh enough – it had been sitting in my fridge for a while. Regardless, I thought I might be able to turn the leftovers into a curried cauliflower and potato soup.  I used some leftover corn water as stock.  I’m not sure where my fist mistake was made – either the vegetables cooked way too long and released too much starch – or the corn water was too starchy and I should have just used plain water – but the end result was disgusting. I pureed it and it came out way too thick and unsalvageable. It was a disappointment, because the aroma from all the spices was incredible.

If anyone has a clearer idea about where I went wrong, please let me know, because I’d like to learn from my mistakes. But I don’t obsess about my kitchen errors, no matter how I many ingredients I waste. It’s sad, yes, but I look at my kitchen experimentations as an investment. I haven’t taken cooking lessons, so the only way I’m going to learn is by trial-by-error and making mistakes.

I think a lot of people are afraid to learn how to cook, or simply just write the entire idea off by saying, “I can’t cook.” The reality is, if we give ourselves permission to fail, we can learn to do just about anything.

Good culinary skills are something that will last you your entire life and, from a financial perspective, it’s something that will save you a lot of money in the long run.  Sure, if you have to throw out a failed meal, you might think, “it would have been cheaper to go out to eat.” For that instance, maybe. But you wouldn’t have learned a valuable lesson from your Big Mac, and stopping at McDonald’s won’t make you a better chef.

So, when I tasted that soup and realized it had the texture of glue, I shrugged my shoulders and moved on. Like I said, cooking is an investment and mistakes are just part of the game.

What’s been your biggest kitchen mishap and how did you deal?

Update: potluck picnic in the park

Just wanted to say a special thank you to Gail Vaz-Oxlade and blog reader friends who attended the potluck picnic in the park last Sunday! It was a beautiful day, and just as the rain disappeared last year in time for our gathering, this year the rain held off until everyone was ready to leave. I really appreciate that people drove from out of town in order to meet and catch up.

Thank you, Gail, for your sound, practical advice, your warm and open heart, your generous spirit and you infectious laughter! We love it!

DIY power generation

I normally don’t post about local events, because I have readers from all the country – and the globe – but this event is too cool not to mention. This weekend in Toronto, Subtle Technologies is having a workshop on how to build your own power generator out of, well, trash.  The amount of power generated will not be enough to power your entire home, but it will be sufficient to power a small gadget like an ipod or cell phone.  Personally, I’ve wanted to create something like this for a while but didn’t know how to start. This little workshop is uber practical, because you walk out the door with your own little power generator, not to mention the skills to build on and share this craft with others. Here are the details of this cool project: