• The joy in being alone

    Posted on November 12th, 2010 Saver Queen 6 comments

    img_0416

    I just finished watching Episode 10 of Gail Vaz-Oxlade’s “Princess.” Ever watch this show? I love it. It has a different flair from Till Debt Do Us Part. Gail helps the spoiled Princesses get more attuned to what they want in life and she helps them develop plans that centre around more significant life goals besides just looking good.  It’s interesting to watch as the girls (most of them, anyway) experience for the first time what it feels like to be financially responsible and responsible in other ways too. They gain more control over their lives and improve their relationships.  They begin to determine what’s important to them and develop plans to achieve short and long term goals.

    In Episode 10, I was struck by an exercise that Gail gave Princess Cortney. Cortney was not a regular princess; most of her spending was not on tanning, fake eyelashes, botox injections and special needs dogs like most of the others. Cortney did love the expensive nightlife and boutique shopping, but her real indulgence was sports and travel.  She kayaked, played basketball, did yoga, played beach volleyball, went rock climbing, when to the gym, played on a frisbee team and paid a lot of money to be apart of all of these activities. She always packed every day of the week with activities and almost never took a night off.

    So one of Gail’s challenges was to cancel plans for one week and spend her free time at home. Partly this challenge was about saving money but it was even more about giving Cortney a chance to reflect and breathe and become more attuned to herself, so she could realize that it’s good for the soul (and the budget) to stay home and relax. When Gail brought up this challenge though, Cortney immediately became angry and questioned the relevancy of this challenge.

    I don’t think Cortney is unique in this regard… there are a lot of people out there who are terrified of being alone. Being alone is difficult, but Gail’s right, it’s important to be alone in order to self-reflect and also to feel safe in one’s own skin.  Being alone can be scary because sometimes emotions come up that we’d rather ignore. Being alone without distractions is even harder – it’s tough to resist the noise from the TV or a steady stream of information and contact from the internet.  But sometimes reading a book, going for a walk, or doing a single activity at once – playing with your cat or dog, cooking a meal – can provide the kind of rest we’re really craving.

    I love packing my schedule with new and interesting activities – rock climbing, yoga, concerts, workshops, dinners with friends, shopping.  And I love my job because it is very social. But time alone is also very important to me. It helps me feel calm and centred.  When I don’t have enough time to contemplate my life, to rest and to just take my time, I start to feel overwhelmed and exhausted.

    Being alone also helps me to determine who I am, what I want, and assimilate what I’ve accomplished or what I want to do differently.  I develop thoughts and ideas. I enjoy listening to scientific talks online, reading blogs and books, meal planning, and gazing at magazine pictures for creative inspiration in different forms.  Being alone gives my brain a chance to work out ideas and problems, and I like that. I think it helps me to develop new and different parts of me, in a creative, intellectual, and spiritual sense. Just as different social experiences add to who you are, so can being alone.

    Uncategorized
     

    6 responses to “The joy in being alone”

    1. psychsarah November 12th, 2010 at 10:02

      Well said SQ. I thought that Gail was quite insightful to give Cortney this challenge. I struggle with carving out alone time. I have so many activities and friends I’m interested in seeing, that there are some weeks I’m out every night. By Friday I’m cranky and tired and longing for a night at home just puttering-meal planning, re-assessing my budget/spending, reading, listening to podcasts, organizing… I concur that alone time is valuable for thinking, being creative, and recharging the batteries. I got an unexpected night alone last night (DH went off on an adventure with a buddy) and it was lovely. Just what the doctor ordered. :)

    2. Catherine November 14th, 2010 at 12:59

      My Mom used to tell me that I needed to be my own best friend. To enjoy my own company. I’ve grown up with this and I agree with everything you have said here SQ. It gives you time to breath….to reflect….to relish memories….to plan for the future.
      It also gives you permission to be alone. To not have to seek out someone to be with, spend time with, do things with.
      DH and I spent a lot of time together. I work mornings and so am busy with people five mornings a week. I also enjoy the weekends the kids all land home. It’s very busy.
      I am a voracious reader and so enjoy curling up with books. That’s another thing Mom taught me. I can hear her now…’books are your friends’.
      So, I’ve had a lifetime of time by myself and I have to say….I really do enjoy my own company.

    3. The Witch November 14th, 2010 at 17:37

      I really enjoyed this post. I try to take time out for me though I have to do it more often.
      We sometimes get caught up in the mode that this has to be done and if we don’t do it now it won’t get done. I make a list of what is important to get done together on the weekends so we can both do it together and then move on to our own separate enjoyments. Working full time and overtime requirements lets just say I’m not cleaning toilets while you are watching t.v. Setting tasks so you both have free time works fanatically in this family. I have my free time and so does Hubby. Hubby is no slacker at house hold chores which is also a big help to us having free time.

    4. Saver Queen November 16th, 2010 at 21:30

      Thanks for sharing, everyone. I’ve been thinking about this. It’s really an area where I crave balance. I have a very social job. I love the feeling of community I get at work between my colleagues, clients, and community. But I can’t function well if I never have time to myself. Being out of balance is fine for a little while but ultimately I will start feeling out of control if I don’t have a little time to myself to unwind.

      The Witch, I think you’re right that sometimes you need to clearly set tasks for yourself so that you don’t get side-tracked with multiple projects. Get done what needs to get done, and then set aside time for true relaxation.

    5. E December 1st, 2010 at 18:22

      On the flipside, it’s possible to be so isolated and alone all the time, that one forgets how to be socialable or actually grows more uncomfortable in social settings…

    6. Saver Queen December 5th, 2010 at 14:32

      Yeah, E, I hear ya. If I’m not consistently around other people, I almost get agoraphobic or socially anxious. It’s about figuring out where that line is for you. For me, I think it’s best for me to be around other people almost every day, but I like some down time alone at least once a week. If I don’t have that time alone, whether it’s a whole Saturday, or a couple evenings a week, I can’t process things and can’t feel centred.

    Leave a reply

Pages

RSS Twitter: saverqueen

Powered by WordPress
Designed by My Mobiles