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On kindness, genuineness
Posted on October 23rd, 2009 12 commentsWondering where Saver Queen has been? I’ve been working a short-term contract that finishes at the end of the month. The job has required some crazy-long hours, which means I haven’t had time to blog, or really do anything else at all. So this post comes with an apology to my readers who have sent me emails and haven’t yet received a reply.
I’ve been working at a world-renowned scientific institution and have enjoyed the opportunity to meet some incredible people from all over the world. Many of these individuals have somewhat of a celebrity status, and I admire many of them.
Unfortunately, someone I admired (we’ll call him K) has really let me down. I had K on a pedestal and thought, despite some arrogance on his part, that he was truly brilliant and was changing the world for the better. K ended up being someone very different from who I thought he was. He behaves astonishingly unethically. It was extremely disappointing to watch, let alone bear the brunt of his unethical behaviour. Even if much of his work benefits humanity, he simultaneously counteracts at least some of this progress by behaving in ways that degrade other human beings - specifically women.
I used to think I needed to impact the world in a big, big way. It was my goal to change the world. I used to believe that small, daily transactions of kindness and good intentions were not worth as much as devoting your life to organizations that touch thousands of lives. But I’ve slowly been coming to the conclusion that small acts of kindness do make a difference. They are worth just as much, perhaps more, than grand gestures, because they are genuine, spontaneous, and can have impact far greater than we ever know. Likewise, if our careers are made up of nobel deeds, but we degenerate others every time we are “off stage” (both figuratively and literally in this case,) surely our net contribution to the world is badly depleted.
I may not ever have the money, or status, or fame that K has. I may not ever reach the same number of people. The President of the United States will probably never hear my name, let alone consult me for advice. But I will at least know that any attempts I make to change the world are from the heart. That when I meet someone new, I do my best to be kind, to honour who they are, to acknowledge them and their rights as a human being. And perhaps, even if I don’t ever accomplish anything else in my life, that is good enough.
12 responses to “On kindness, genuineness”
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Kindness makes all the difference. And if each of us believes and lives that, anonymous though we may be, we’ll REALLY change the world.
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psychsarah October 23rd, 2009 at 11:54
Wow-I’m sorry to hear that K disappointed you like that. I’m so impressed that you were able to take this negative experience and turn it into a positive life lesson about kindness. I agree wholeheartedly. I figure that you are never aware of the ripple effect that your day to day kindness can have. Even though you can’t quantify it, if everyone made an effort to be kind regularly, the world would be a very different place.
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Do you think Ghandi had grand plans and wanted to be some world-reknown figure? Probably not. He was just one person who disliked the way things were and did his own thing, and lo & behold, it ended up changing a nation. One small act…
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Catherine October 23rd, 2009 at 14:04
I’ve missed you SQ! Glad you have been busy. Sorry to hear you have been disappointed in K. Sometimes no matter how many people we meet that we admire, it takes just that one person to make us stop and shake our head.
If each of us can pay kindness forward, imagine how the world around us would improve? I do try to say or do at least a couple of nice things per day in hopes that the recipient will do the same and on and on it goes. -
My life is very full and rich, not because of my job or house or clothes, but because of the people in it. You have inspired me to remember to thank these people.
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I know how you feel when someone you admired disappoints you… It can be harsh.
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That’s really a shame about K. Lately I’ve been similarly disappointed in a lot of my old friends…I thought they were enlightened, but they think nothing of degrading other people, making tasteless “jokes”…and it’s just such a letdown. But I think small gestures are worth very much, and I hope you don’t lose faith in them!
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My life has been enriched immensely by knowing you, and that’s no small thing. xoxo
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Hi, I just found you through another link. Yes, I believe random acts of kindness gives us much needed faith in humanity as a whole. I deliver Meals On Wheels with my neighbor. I enjoy helping others. It truly is as just as good to give as it is to receive. (If not much better!)
Brenda -
Hey there SQ, I so feel your pain. Alex and I were talking recently about how disappointing people can sometimes be. I posed the question, “Do you think our expectations are too high?” We haven’t yet decided. Suffice to say that while it can come as a shock to find out that someone we admire is an enormous dick, it’s just as important to remember that there are a lot of people that are doing their small part to make someone else happy. You’re a lucky girl to have people who miss you. And you’re a kind girl who thinks a lot. I think a lot too, and I’m having to learn to cut people a lot of slack or it is I who will end up alone and lonely. If you think of K’s behaviour as a “disability”… oversized in the dickwad department, for example, maybe you can find a way to let go of the disappointment and accept that he is who he is, big dickwad and all. Then you can say thank you for what he does bring to the world and peezeeeoffff to the rest. I’m not convinced this works yet since I’m just trying this on for size now. But the alternative — the thought of being constantly disappointed by people’s short-comings — is too much to bear!
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Ok, so I’m a big nerd, but ^^^ omg, omg, omg! Gail wrote on your blog.
How awesome! Now if that doesn’t make you smile, other than me, well…then we’ll just have to pump you full o’ happy drugs. Ha haI think I’m with Gail though. It seems people are disappointing me more and more as I get older. Maybe I’m just losing my innocence, but I always believed that the connections we make with people, no matter how strong or weak, meant something, and wouldn’t be cast-off, but no, that seems not the case.
**note: no, I’m not talking about you. :)**
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Saver Queen November 3rd, 2009 at 00:41
Thank you everyone, for your contributions. Gail, what a delightful surprise to see you comment here! Welcome to Saver Queen!! Although K in particular treated me badly enough that I’m glad to say goodbye forever, I do think Gail has a point about accepting peoples’ limitations and just enjoying what they do have to offer. Sometimes, though, I wonder if my expectations are too low, not too high. I get frustrated letting people in my life, and keeping them there, when they don’t have much to offer in return. I want to spend more time and energy seeking out good people - not perfect people, but people who do their best to bring joy into the world, who work hard, have a contribution to make, are inspired by life and treat others with respect. Although I made mention of “K” in this post, I should also mention that I was lucky enough to also meet a number of people who are intelligent, kind and thoughtful. For example, two authors voluntarily gave me signed copies of their books with inspirational messages. Id’ like to bring more of these types of people into my life, and I’d like to hope that this is possible.
it’s also just occurring to me now that although we get disappointed in people, we can also be surprised by kindness. You, my readers, have consistently surprised me with your unconditional, unwavering support. Just look at the lovely comments that were left here after this post. It warms my heart.
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