On kindness, genuineness

Wondering where Saver Queen has been?  I’ve been working a short-term contract that finishes at the end of the month.  The job has required some crazy-long hours, which means I haven’t had time to blog, or really do anything else at all. So this post comes with an apology to my readers who have sent me emails and haven’t yet received a reply.

I’ve been working at a world-renowned scientific institution and have enjoyed the opportunity to meet some incredible people from all over the world. Many of these individuals have somewhat of a celebrity status, and I admire many of them.

Unfortunately, someone I admired (we’ll call him K) has really let me down.  I had K on a pedestal and thought, despite some arrogance on his part, that he was truly brilliant and was changing the world for the better.  K ended up being someone very different from who I thought he was.  He behaves astonishingly unethically.  It was extremely disappointing to watch, let alone bear the brunt of his unethical behaviour.  Even if much of his work benefits humanity, he simultaneously counteracts at least some of this progress by behaving in ways that degrade other human beings - specifically women.

I used to think I needed to impact the world in a big, big way. It was my goal to change the world.  I used to believe that small, daily transactions of kindness and good intentions were not worth as much as devoting your life to organizations that touch thousands of lives.  But I’ve slowly been coming to the conclusion that small acts of kindness do make a difference.  They are worth just as much, perhaps more, than grand gestures, because they are genuine, spontaneous, and can have impact far greater than we ever know. Likewise, if our careers are made up of nobel deeds, but we degenerate others every time we are “off stage” (both figuratively and literally in this case,) surely our net contribution to the world is badly depleted.

I may not ever have the money, or status, or fame that K has.  I may not ever reach the same number of people.  The President of the United States will probably never hear my name, let alone consult me for advice. But I will at least know that any attempts I make to change the world are from the heart. That when I meet someone new, I do my best to be kind, to honour who they are, to acknowledge them and their rights as a human being. And perhaps, even if I don’t ever accomplish anything else in my life, that is good enough.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my readers who happen to celebrate this holiday.  I was inspired to read the post, Thank You on Gail Vaz-Oxlade’s blog today. I’ve always believed that being grateful for what you have and being cognizant of all the little ways in which we are blessed, are important steps to having a happy life.  And while I’ve often mentioned that being mindful and grateful is important for those living on a budget (because it’s too easy to feel deprived by focusing on what you don’t have,) it’s just as important for those who have everything.  After all, it’s easy for all of us to forget about how lucky we are, go on auto-pilot, and focus on everything that seems to be going wrong in our lives.

Making time to take pleasure in simple moments and focus on the abundance around us is a wonderful practice, one that has been my main focus since my break-up with my partner.  But it’s easy to diverge from this plan, the more busy we get. It’s obvious to me now that there are triggers that cause me to fall off track from being grateful and mindful.  Comparing myself to others, focusing on what other people have, and thinking about where I thought I would be (as opposed to where I am) can quickly divert my focus and change my mood.  Conversely, practicing mindfulness and gratitude make me feel present, empowered and fulfilled.  The key, I think, is not to wait until we feel that life has given us exactly what we want.  The key is to seek out beauty, kindness and moments of peace even amidst chaos, and practice gratitude for tiny instances which ordinarily go unnoticed, like our breath, the air, the fact that the sun rose and the sky didn’t fall.  A cup of coffee, a green traffic light, the sound of a friend’s voice: big or small, these little moments make up our lives.  In fact, when you start paying attention, it seems that there hundreds or even thousands of little miracles that happen every day, which may be worth some quiet celebration.

What are you grateful for today?